We talked to her about her journey into the world of online dating.I think one of the biggest questions that comes up regarding dating after your partner dies is about timing. Did you worry that you were interested in dating “too soon” or did you feel other people might be thinking that? I constantly doubted myself when I realized I was considering dating after two years. It felt like I wasn’t honoring my husband by dating again so quickly, yet I knew people who had done it much sooner.Having gone through such a major trauma — losing my husband — my outlook on life changed and I realized how short life was.
I usually hear where the person was on 9/11, which can sometimes be interesting.
Most of my dates have been incredibly respectful around the issue, actually.
It was hard to know what “the norm” was, or what was considered appropriate by society. I finally realized that I had only myself to judge what felt right, so really the question was: “Am I ready? I knew I was interested in experiencing intimacy again with another person. Most single people in their thirties and forties tend to be divorced or have never been married.
” This was also a very difficult question to answer. Do you feel that, as a widow, your dating issues are different than others within your age range? Well, I was unlike most divorced people in that I had no animosity towards my husband. I knew what that felt like, how it worked and that I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than a good relationship, which I was only able to describe as the feeling of “being home.” There had to be some sort of recognition within the other person, similar values and shared outlook on life.
There were the odd occasions where I had to overcome others’ views about widowhood, which often included some form of “you’re still hung up on your husband and I could never replace him,” which I always found annoying.
Especially because I was so conscious of behaving exactly in the opposite way towards the new person. I had very few current pictures of myself because my role as “mom” meant that I was always the photographer, so I wound up cropping a photo of myself standing beside my grandmother holding my infant son.I started feeling sexier and worthy of finding love, which helped me a lot. What advice would you give to widows and widowers heading back into the world of dating right now? Don’t fall into the mindset of thinking, “I could never date again.” can do it. I went into every date thinking, “If nothing else, I will meet someone nice,” and I almost always did.Try not to hide behind your partner dying or use it as an excuse to not get yourself back out there. I think the trick is taking the pressure off yourself.I learned that dating men who had never been married or didn’t have kids didn’t really work for me. Someone who has no experience in that area doesn’t fully understand the implications that come along with being a lone parent. Not exactly the sexiest shot in the world, you know?I experimented over time with different photos and different descriptions of myself.I tried really honest profiles and very silly ones. It’s funny, though; just like in real life, you often know right away when something is going to click with a match, even online.